Lunch Report Friday, April 1st

[mikenov]

April Fools!!!
bet you thought I wasn't going to post today!
For lunch I ate my protein bar but am now consuming a bag of cheetos.
Not the best choice but it ain't easy being cheesy. 320 calories of cheesy crispy fried goodness.
G&L related question
Maple neck or Rosewood? What's your preference and why?
I bet this debate has been had before but here goes. Maple necks are superior in every way. love the bite, and feel. And they clean up easy too.
Let's hear it!!!
Non G&L question
what was your worst gig or guitar playing related experience?

I had two drunks at the back of the bar last night around 1am saying lewd things about the bartenders mother. I told them to show some respect and they turned their playground style attack at me. That was bad but probably the worse was the biker party my old band played.
we had sporadic bad weather rolling through and it was an outdoor gig. It would rain lightly for 10 minutes, then off for 30. Just enough time to have the bikers heckle us into getting back on stage and then pull us off.
By the end of this, my bass player was pouring water out of his amp head. Nothing got ruined that day but It was the worst gig of my life.
Lets hear your nightmares:)

[yowhatsshakin]

Just got back from 'Local 360', a locavore restaurant although they have extended the 'traditional' 100 mile radius to 360 miles. Anyway, some great food there. Today I enjoyed a great chicken pot pie and a Maritime Pale Ale beer.

Maple neck or Rosewood? What's your preference and why?

Esthetically I prefer maple necks with maple boards and mahogany necks with (brazilian) rosewood boards. But the exact combination has never been an issue for me. I have guitars with about any combination possible. The best comparison I can make is my all maple Broadcaster vs. my Broadcaster with ebony board and both guitars sound incredible. And although both guitars are constructed the same otherwise, I'm still not sure whether any sonic difference is due to the fingerboard or differences in the hand-wound pups.

what was your worst gig or guitar playing related experience?

Hope you include bass playing experiences. Many years ago, while still living in my native village, I got a call from a local variety show, in which a friend of mine was one of the singers, that their bass player couldn't make it and whether I wanted to step in. I told them I couldn't read music only tablature but apparently they were convinced that was not a problem. Maybe not for them, but it was for me. Just having chord suggestions on the chart and not having rehearsed even once made it a really tough night. Talk about playing it by ear! I worked myself through it but that's about all I can say about it. They did not complain about the result but for me it was still a hard knock school ...

- Jos

[sickbutnottired]

Necks? I don't care. I do like the satin finishes, though. They break in nice....Maple is easy to clean...But check that ebony on Craig and Darwins new 30th's...

Worst Story? Probably the thing that leaves the worst taste in my mouth is getting stiffed or at least badly ripped off the first couple of shows I played in my first band in college. We really could have used that money back then.

Drunks, well I tended bar in college as well, I have a million stories of Idiocy--but here is one in the spirit of yours. Working one afternoon and I had a mother daughter tandem come in for an early celebration of the daughters 21st. Then 2 guys come in and order whiskey. Well, these 2 beauties (the drunks) got mad (they were all ready pi*sed) that I bought the ladies a drink and wouldn't buy them a drink. So they started saying the raunchiest and really just abusive stuff about the daughter. So i warned em, and I went about doing my side work; I went to the beer cooler, came back and they were at it again, and worse my boss ha just shown up. Rule one in Bill's bar was keep the customer safe, and make 'em feel safe. So i signaled that I was gonna kick 'em out. He just shook his head no. I thought I was fired!

He sat down next to them, and tried to engage them in a reasonable conversation. No luck, they started in again. So my boss stoop up, stepped around the end of the bar, took their drinks and threw their piles of cash in my tip bucket. Leaned over with his hands on the bar, slowly looked them both straight in the eye and very calmly said, "The best thing that happens right now is you leave and we're all pissed off." They did, and I wasn't fired.

[Dave_P]

Had lunch in the cafeteria at work again, usually do because it's free , today was turkey with gravy and stuffing

I've had both, I'm with you Mike, maple wins hands down. I don't mind the rosewood, i just like the feel and looks of maple better.

Worst gig - comes down to two: one of my first at a dive bar, no one showed up except a "regular" who sat at the bar covering her ears the whole time
or
Played a friends house for Halloween one year, got there only to discover we were to set up next to the indoor pool, reluctantly set up only to have some fool jump in and drench my amp midway through the second song. I shut the whole gig down after that, amp ended up being fine.

-Dave

[Halowords]

Necks . . . I have my first Maple neck (well, maybe second, however the first would have been SOOOOOO long ago I can't remember if it was an all-Maple or a Maple w/ Rosewood fretboard). Overall though, Rosewood. I like smooth, think Rosewood in an interesting understated sort of beautiful, and it has a nice earth tone (I love brown-tones as far as aesthetics.

That said, I love the chime and fat-brightness of my Logan Strat-o-copy, my first ever Strat-style and first all-Maple neck as far as I can tell. The durned thing is really, REALLY growing on me. Whether it's the Swamp Ash body, Maple neck, my mad guitar skillz (not bloody likely, but this is the Internet, so why not?), or something else, the tone of the guitar sans any electronics, is beautiful. So I am being won over by Maple more and more as a guitar wood choice.

Aesthetically, it depends on the finish, although G&L has some pretty awesome looking Maple necks (backs & fretboards. I've also read (for whatever this is worth) that all-Maple necks go better with Ash while Rosewood fretboards go better with Alder. Ebony looks awesome however I'm not sure what that's supposed to go better with and generally I have been all about Mahogany w/ Rosewood fretboards and Maple body caps (pretty much for aesthetics and a slight bit of top end), so this is admittedly all new terrain to me.

-Cheers

[blargfromouterspace]

My least favourite gigs are the ones where nobody pays any attention to you. We played at a supposedly country-themed X-mas party for a cardboard manufacturer last year which was held in the factory where all their staff work on X-mas eve, so nobody wanted to be there. Nobody clapped at any point. Nobody was even watching us. We ended up playing for half an hour before we decided to take a break. Nobody noticed. So we helped ourselves to the food and beer for a what seemed like a couple of hours then played for another 10 minutes and left. Crap gig, but we each walked away with $500 which I used to buy an amp. So not all bad but it really is demeaning.

[cmguitar]

Good Week.

Lunch- Leftover chicken fried steak. Good for the heart .

G&L question- I play both. my legacy is rosewood, ASAT and Strat maple
I guess I like maple better for now but that could change.

Worst gig, A little trio gig that was thrown together at the last second.
They hired us because the polka band canceled. We were country. To make a long story short. A amp blew the PA cut out, and we didn't have our act together. Plus we were playing for a older group who did not like Willie Nelson or Waylon Jennings or any modern country music This was in the late 70's. We lasted 2 sets.
I also have to agree when you know your good and they ignore you isn't good.
I won't mention the times back in the day when stage time was also party time.


Chet

[CGT]

Today's lunch was curry chicken with basmati rice and assorted vegetables.

With respect to necks and fretboards, I have to go with maple all the way, even though I only got my first maple board guitar in December. I prefer the tone of maple necks, especially on Strat-style guitars, because it's so much brighter, I also find that they feel better under my fingertips than ebony and rosewood boards. As for finish, I have a slight preference for the gun oil on my Legacy, but the satin finish on my el-cheapo Squier Strat feels really nice too.

My worst live situation was got to have been accompanying a choir with the mic on my guitar switched off. I couldn't hear myself play. Mercifully, neither could the audience. (Mind you, I've only gigged twice and that was in the 80s.)

[darwinohm]

Mike, thanks for stepping up this week. Good to see Dick back next week. We haven't heard from him for some time.

Necks, I like them all. I do prefer maple fretboards for looks. I am also convinced that they are more stable overall. I prefer ebony to rosewood just for looks.

Bad gigs? Mine was in the early 60s. I am the bass player and had a Framis bass. We get to a gig in the hot summer and I unlatched the latches on the case and the lid popped up. The glue joint had let loose in the neck. Good thing I had a 6 string along but we had no bass player that evening. Turned out it was a pretty uneventful gig as it was during the middle of the week at a resort.-- Darwin

[Dave_P]

We played at a supposedly country-themed X-mas party for a cardboard manufacturer

Are you sure they were real people Jamie?

-Dave

[mikenov]

Yowhatshakin,
- we do a bunch of open jams and I totally know what you are talking about.
Funny story, I was at a wedding this weekend and got called up to play a few songs at the after party. After my second song, one of the bridesmaids, who was VERY wasted, grabbed the microphone and asked, can you follow? I said, follow what? She said just follow my singing. She proceeded to warble nonsense for a couple of minutes. It was actually pretty awesome because I felt a little like Yoko Ono's backing band for a bit. That pretty much ended the audience participation portion of the evening
Great stories everyone. Glad it's not just me.

[yowhatsshakin]

We played at a supposedly country-themed X-mas party for a cardboard manufacturer

Are you sure they were real people Jamie?

-Dave

Nah. Just life size cut outs. But at least the organizer wasn't skimpish!

It was actually pretty awesome because I felt a little like Yoko Ono's backing band for a bit. That pretty much ended the audience participation portion of the evening

LOL. The Waisted Bridesmaid Band at your service!

- Jos

[blargfromouterspace]

Are you sure they were real people Jamie?

-Dave

I just remembered a worse one. The gig was fine but the load out wasn't. We were playing at this place on the 15th floor of a building in the middle of the city, so parking was a bitc# - you could park 100m up the street for free, or pay $50 to park in the underground carpark. I was on the street. At around 2.30am I was carrying both my guitars (the G&Ls of course) back to the car and came across a gang of guys up to no good. The biggest one said to me "Are they for me?" and the rest of them glared at me and my heart started pumping, there was going to be a fight and probably wouldn't have won it. By a fantastic stroke of luck a group of four police officers came around the corner just as I was about to be robbed. They dispersed and I packed the car and left. I couldn't believe my luck that night and I'm always very polite to police now, they're doing a good job.

[Boogie Bill]

As to necks, I really don't care...although back in the day I preferred maple--easier to see in the dark smoky bars I played in. (Solved that problem--bought myself some stage lighting!) Rosewood might be a tad mellower in tone, but I really just use all of my Legacys interchangeably, without thought to neck material. I do pay attention to the aesthetics of the instrument; some combinations look better to me than others.

I do have an ash Legacy Special in Butterscotch Blonde, Pearl Guard, GOT birdseye neck--with an ebony board. About a perfect color combo as you will ever see. Drop dead gorgeous! The neck is a little fuller on this one, but the feel of the ebony is really special.

Uh, bad gigs? Well, 45 year career--which one do you want to hear about?

Last summer at a Farmer's Market, we got mis-wired 240-v 3-phase to the stage--took out a rack of PA gear and fried my Furman Pedalboard. Saved the pedals, which was good. And we luckily didn't get killed. Suit pending.

How about the time the very drunk lady walked up to the stage and grabbed by crotch--hard! Mid-song in front of a full house, too. Sounded like Barry Gibb for a week!

Weather--how about 104F in The Dalles, Oregon? Done that a couple of times. Done rain many times. Played outside on the balcony of a ski lodge to the skier's coming down the hill. That wasn't too bad, as I was in the sun. One of the worst was early June in Seattle at the U-District Street Fair back in the early 1970s in rain and 55F--with a 20-30 MPH wind. Wind chill was ferocious, strings felt like fencing wire. Then there was the outdoor wedding I did--one summer--with 300 trillion mosquitos as honored guests.

I've had about the same number of A-holes who want to sing a song, or play some "Blues Harp"--or worst who want to play my guitars. I don't let ANYBODY play my guitar--especially when your drunk and being a whining jerk about it. And if you want to sing--you'd better know what key the song is in!!! I actually told one cow that had a HORRIBLE VOICE that she'd have to come out to the parking lot and let me inspect her vocal chords with "my special probe" before I'd let her sing with me. Funny, she never bugged me after that!

Then there was the Okie good ol' boy that thought I was sleeping with his GF, a cocktail waitress at this resort hotel bar--who made Miss Piggy look svelte, sophisticated, classy, gorgeous and intelligent. This yahoo pulls a .357 Magnum on me and warns me away! Of course, one of his not-to-bright buddies pointed out to him that I was gay. (I'm not.) It was all I could do to not bust out in hysterical laughter--especially since I was getting more sex in this particular bar than I could handle from all the local bored housewives, divorcees, and the girls-gone-wild partiers in the hotel.

(Okay, so maybe this doesn't qualify as a "bad" gig! LOL! But the gun was VERY BADDD!)

Had a woman actually follow me home one night. Knocked on my door about 20 minutes after I got in. My GF didn't think much about that!! Some serious 'splaining to do!!!! It wasn't my fault, honest!

Another place another GF--guy's hitting on my girl, who was VERY beautiful BTW, while she's sitting at the bar, minding her own biz. He gets pissed cause she won't play--lots of bad language, disrupting the bar--bartender 86's him. Then, he called my girl a "slut whore bitch" (those exact words), and that's when I came off the stage with the 1" chromed tube part or a mic stand. He's maybe 5' 7", and I'm a full six feet, and pissed. And I'm a nice guy, but when I'm pissed, people tell me I have a nasty glower. His friends grabbed him as I came after him and were trying to take out a side door. And he saw me coming--with my bad intentions--and he pissed himself, just terrified. And I started to laugh, and pretty soon the whole bar was laughing as his buds pulled him out the door. Cops finally showed up, and I later heard they got them. Nothing ever came of it for my part, since I didn't really do anything; though the one cop did ask me if I was going to whack him with the mic stand. And I laughed and joked about taking the fifth, and he just said, "Good answer."

Had someone try to break into and rob the bar after closing time. Place was locked up, but the bartender was closing out her till, and I was putting my stuff away. Scared the heck out of us! Broke the front door, but he ran away.

So, yeah...I have LOTS of "bad" gig stories; these are just a tiny few. But a lot of great memories along the way.

Beats working at McDonald's!

Bill

[legacyman]

WOW,

THAT WAS AWESOME!!! BILL...

NOW I FORGOT WHAT I WAS GOING TO SAY??

OH WELL, GREAT STORIES!!!

GREAT LUNCH REPORT MIKE!!

[blargfromouterspace]

Great story Bill!

[Boogie Bill]

Thanks guys..there are so many more--I should write a book!

Bill

[blargfromouterspace]

Thanks guys..there are so many more--I should write a book!

Bill

+1!

[sam]

Bill,

You should write a book on your experiences. I recall a guy who comes around here sometimes that wrote a book about his guitar acquisition obsession and he's sold quite a few!

Great stories by the way.

[Dick Seacup]

I've never gigged, so I don't have gig nightmare stories. I did, however, run a bar when I was 22. Most of that couple of years are "missing time" for me. One or two memories remain, though.

There were the two waitresses I had to fire for drinking with the customers in the back room (we had a room we'd rent out for parties and whatnot; there was a big party back there and these two managed to get completely hammered). The next afternoon I came into work to see the two of them walking a picket line, complete with signs reading "Management Unfair to Labor" in front of the joint. Just the two of them, walking in a little circle in front of the 'front door' (which was actually the back door, but that's a different story).

Then there was the night two guys in suits showed up, sat down at the bar and each ordered a drink. I think it was a Manhattan. I happened to be tending bar that night (saved labor that way, don't you know). They drank their one drink and proceeded to fall off their chairs. Suddenly they were three sheets to the wind and falling all over the place. I suspect their shtick was to act drunk in order to get out of the tab. After making them pay (that was a trip), I kicked them out. Watching them in the parking lot, it seemed to me they really might have been that drunk, so I called 911 with their car description and license plate. I hope they made it home OK.

One time I hired this drop dead gorgeous, long legged brunette to tend bar. She made a killing in tips and business really spiked when she was on the schedule. Unfortunately, three weeks into the job her meth-addicted boyfriend broke in through a skylight and robbed the place. She quit showing up and the police couldn't find either of them. Turned out their MO was for her to get a job and case the joint, then he'd do the B&E. Funny none of the other bars I called for her background check mentioned that.

The bar was part of a larger restaurant (again, I ran the bar/front end; someone else ran the kitchen/catering) and the kitchen manager was running her own catering business out of the back. The owners knew about it and told me "well, once in a while is OK, we consider it one of her perks." Whatever. After a couple of months of my starting there, she started running parties in the back, too. She'd book them through the front, but the till would go in her purse, not in the safe. "Well, it was just one party, I'm sure it's no big deal," they said. Except it wasn't just one party and it was a big deal (at least to me). I eventually quit (the hours and life style were a little too, er, seductive) and they went bankrupt about four months later.

Did I mention the number of women who seemed to always wind up puking in the men's room? The owners' underage kids who were allowed to come in and drink--with their friends? The other hot brunette I hired who couldn't mix a drink to save her life, but nobody cared--she had a fantastic, uh, front end, was independently wealthy (seriously) and just "looking for a little excitement."

Man those were crazy times. My liver sent me a thank you card when I quit.

Sure, my stories pale in comparison to gig nightmares but...same environment?

[westsideduck]

Necks, I like em all, preferences are 1, maple, 2 ebony then rosewood

We were doing an east coast swing, starting in NYC and ending in Miami, everything was going really good untill we got through Pitsburg on the way to some dive in West Virginia, the gig went well in West virginia and we were heading to the next small town,Forget the name, anyway we are on this back road and the bass player has to take a crap so he gets out goes into the woods and does his thing, we get a few miles down the road and he says he lost his wallet when he pulled down his pants so we go back and try to find the place where he was, we are going real slow checking the side of the road when this pickup truck full of toothless hicks comes along side and starts to harrass us long haired hippy freaks, so my buddie hops back into the van and we take off as they start shooting at us, they take out a back tire but we got away and made to the next small town on the rim, we find a cop and he just giggles and tell us we are lucky that it was just a tire that got shot out and to get it fixed and to get the F**K out of town, he says the road we were on was a known moonshining route! I can tell you one thing, the next road trip we took I brought along my trusty Remington 870 and two boxes of 00 buckshot. on this same trip I get caught in the barn with the farmers daughter in North carolina, he swings the shotgun my way, my pants come up quick and I run even quicker, I can still hear the farmer laughing his ass off as I'n booking!

[BadJaxx]

i've only tried one G&L...my Classic S, which has a maple FB...i just started getting into maple back in the summer and i'm liking it...was always a rosewood or ebony guy...i still like those too...it just depends on the guitar...

[legacyman]

Hey Dick,

That was really good too!

I expect to here some more of those stories next week when you're doing Lunch Report!!

[legacyman]

Hey Westsideduck,

That was was pretty funny too!

You guys are cracking me up!!

[mikenov]

All these stories have been great! keep em coming

Once I hosted an open jam at this dive type place and we had a lively crowd in the house hootin' and having a good time. It was a bunch of ladies and a 40 something guy. Other guys were coming in and out all night.
No players in the house so we were playing all night.
I asked them at some point what they were there for. They gave me some sort of BS answer. At the end of the night I was talking to the bartender mentioning that the crowd seemed lively and hopefully they come back. She proceeded to explain to me that those "ladies" were call girls and they were meeting "clients" and by the time they caught wind, it was too late into the night but had asked them not to return.
What, no tip for the band? How about a little something for the effort here ...
Actually no thanks . not the best looking group. I was pretty shocked.